Technology

Pooping in a hole, living without electricity or hot water, and hiking twenty minutes waiting ten minutes and 20 more minutes on public transportation to get to a food store, hardly compared to my withdraw from technology. I've thrived with technology, teaching myself electrical engineering and computer science, using Wikipedia to teach myself whatever topic, using Google Calendar to keep my life organized, etc. Arriving to Panama was taking a large step back in my life, and an introduction to living much more basic. This post is dedicated to all the gadgets that have made living a bit less basic.

 

Kindle 3G - While the Kindle part is pretty awesome, the 3G part is much more awesome. Amazon has, through some sort of magic, managed to offer free internet access throughout the world wherever the Kindle 3G can connect. I've managed to connect to the internet, a very basic internet consisting of only downloadable books, Facebook, and Gmail while in my site and also while traveling in Peru, for FREE.

Battery Pack - Thanks to my aunt, this is probably one of the best purchases I made before arriving to Panama. While in a place with electricity, I can charge the battery pack. Once I return to site, I can charge anything that has a USB connection. This means I can charge my smart phone, headlamp, Kindle, and iPod, all from this battery pack. It's got enough charge to recharge my smart phone about three times which can get me through a week before heading out of site to charge again.

Bluetooth Keyboard - With the hindsight that I have now, I would have gone back and purchased only a smart phone and keyboard in place of a laptop. The laptop is clunky and hard to charge. With a keyboard and smart phone I can do almost everything I'd want to do with a laptop. If you factor in the battery pack, which cannot charge a laptop, the smart phone and keyboard duo are perfect for Peace Corps living.

Waka Waka Solar Panel and Light - This is pretty awesome, it's got a light on one side and a solar panel on the other. Charge it through the solar panel during the day and use the light at night. It can also charge basic feature phones as well.

Smart phone - Oh smart phones. I try and think about the lives of volunteers before cell phones. I pay $1 for 30 minutes to call the United States, and can get international texting and email in my house. That's about it, no streaming Youtube or anything like that but the future is arriving to the countryside pretty rapidly. (My old Peace Corps neighbor could browse the internet from his house.)

Smart phone apps - I thought it would be interesting to list the apps that help me in the day to day. Feel free to skip this section if you don't have a smart phone or care about such things.

• Media Player - I can watch and listen to whatever and have a lot of storage to do so.
• My phone has word processing and spreadsheet applications which allow me to write posts like this. (I'm using my phone + bluetooth keyboard right now!)
• Gmail with offline sync - this allows me to check emails I've already received whenever, even if I have no connection.
• Wikipedia - Surprisingly, I can get Wikipedia in site. It's pretty slow and I generally cannot view pictures, but if I want to learn something, boom, done.
• Dictionaries - English, Spanish, English/Spanish, all useful.
• Google Translate with offline language packs - Google Translate is now available completely without internet.
• Calls/Texts Blacklist - Service providers in Panama love to spam at least a text or two a day. I can block those messages.
• Calculator/Converter - As an engineer I've got a special calculator and unit converter to help with my work.

And that's about it. Many others live a bit more basic or a bit more advanced like my friend who has a solar panel and cell signal booster so he can get electricity and great internet access an hour hike from the nearest road.

[Insert Job Description Here]

During training, we are told, “your service is what you make of it.” If you want to be out of site all the time, hanging out at the bar, sure, you can do that. Or you can make something amazing of it. To remove any doubts that last sentence might have created; almost all volunteers opt for the latter.

I opted for the latter as well and there are days where I'm out and about in Panama, living another day of my Peace Corps service, and it will dawn on me that, I get paid (as little as I do get paid haha) to be doing what I'm doing. I had one of those moments today when I was in the middle of the jungle hiking up to a water source. A fellow volunteer, in a different sector than water systems asked if I could come and take a look at his system. After that simple interaction, I was now out hiking with him in his community, which is about twenty times larger than mine, to offer what experience and knowledge I have to help assess the water issues being faced by the community. I'm going on a tangent too far, let's steer this back in with some pictures of where I was working today:

Crossing a stream on the way to the water system.

Finally arriving to the water source.

I've also had other amazing work experiences such as when I helped my regional leader deliver some documents to a future volunteer's community. Besides the fact that the area was absolutely beautiful, we got to eat lunch and hang out with the future host family for a bit. The father of the household told us a very interesting story about the roof tiles which his grandfather had constructed over 100 years ago and still survived to this day.

Passing a large orange farm on the way to the community.

The rainy season is in full swing and mud is everywhere.

After taking public transportation to the end of the road, hiking an hour into the community,
we  now have a guide to take us the rest of the way to the host family's house.

Look at that beautiful roofing.

Then there was the time that Engineers Without Borders (EWB) visited a fellow volunteer's site and cultural/language facilitators were needed. I got to spent a few days hiking about my friend's community assisting EWB in their trip.

Community guide leading the way to the next house.

Back when I was a member of EWB at Rutgers University, I had seen a GPS map that was constructed by a group member and I was interested in making my own. As part of my first three months in site, I was required to make a map, so I ended up making a GPS map.

...and then writing a guide for other volunteers to do the same.

I also had interest in solar panels and the neighboring community's health post had some problems with theirs...

These are just a few examples of the many cool work opportunities that Peace Corps offers. Of course not all of my cool opportunities revolve around work. I also give myself some breaks to...

Attend the Black Christ festival.

Party at carnival.

Spend Christmas in Santa Fe with other volunteers.

Travel to Peru.

Watch the US-Panama soccer game.

Attend the Sombrero Festival.

At times it’s hard to justify my time here, typically when I'm sitting at the lowest of lows of a slump in my service. But when I'm not sitting there, life is pretty awesome. Of course you cannot have the bad without the good and the same carries over to life in the States. However, Peace Corps has some pretty awesome good times to offer and I think it has been well worth it. (And for you too if you're considering joining!)

What month is it?

I was sitting on a bus the other day when my friend asked me what the date was. I realized I didn't even know what month it was and that got me to thinking why that was. There are several factors that lead to a near complete disconnect from the calendar. I'll start with taking the day to day and then expand from there.

Probably the most disconnecting thing is that the nine to five doesn't exist in the countryside. My neighbors spend their days working on the farm or making sombreros. They start early, end late, and the work is broken up by chores around the house. The work carries over to their weekends as well. This leads to a general disconnect from the weekly routine that exists in the States.

Since the 9 to 5 doesn't exist, it also doesn't exist for my work. My water committee meetings are Sunday mornings and workdays are dispersed randomly throughout the month. So, when you ask me what I'm doing on a Saturday night it's probably getting to sleep early, however, I might find myself in a bar with friends on a Monday.

There is a means of tracking the week with the routine of school kids. However this too has its issues. It seems that the kids all too often get random days or a full week off at a time. This confusion of the school year generally adds to the separation between myself and the calendar.

Attempting to track the year is also a bit difficult.  Sadly seasons that bring snow, flowers, and beautiful warm colored trees, aren't so pronounced here. The only thing that divides the seasons is rain or no rain, and sometimes it rains when it shouldn't or doesn't when it should.

Add in all the other differences like no mirrors in my house to watch me change, the general insignificance of the calendar and hour of the day in the countryside, lack of change in the length of the day throughout the year, plants always looking about the same, etc. And you get a very good answer to the situation that occurred on the bus. I can't say I much enjoy the disconnect and look forward to structured days again.

The people we meet and the things they teach us.

"Wishing I could pass on some elderly advice... actually I'm not wishing I am passing it on. When you get older, you realize how VERY valuable the challenging times in your life are. It's not the easy successes that build character. ALL of your experiences are part of YOUR journey - embrace them all and don't expect them to all make sense while you're in the middle of it." - My Mother

Every negative encounter is an opportunity to learn something new, develop a new perspective, and be more open to the negativity that confronts us throughout life.

Over the past 15 months, I've been challenged by various people that I interact with. Somewhere along this journey, the quote by my mother clicked and I've managed to view negativity as a challenge instead of something to endlessly frustrate and rant about. Of course I still do a bit of that, it's a slow process, but slow progress in the right direction is really what matters.

I've always been quick to judge people, deciding rather quickly, probably way too quickly, about if I'd consider them a friend or a frustration. I met an individual, Juan Smith well call that person, Immediately, I put Juan into the frustration category. I felt bothered every time I was around him and eager to separate myself from any interaction.

Around this point I started reading The Art of Happiness by The Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler. I began to observe my interactions with the new found perspective I'd drawn from the book. One of the first chapters discusses trying to find connections with others and seeing them as more than what is so bothering about them. Since my interactions with Juan caused so much unnecessary frustration, I figured that he would be a good first attempt at this. Through much effort, I realized that there was much more that Juan had to offer than being a bother throughout my day. I've since carried this view over to other individuals and have realized that "We often add to our pain and suffering by being overly sensitive to minor things, and sometimes taking things too personally. We tend to take small things too seriously and blow them up out of proportion, while at the same time we often remain indifferent to the really important things, those things which have profound effects in our lives and long-term consequences and implications."

I was planning to look for more examples but I think focusing on such negativity is excessive and having one example is enough to prove my point. Accept the challenging times, find them as an opportunity for growth and don't get stuck in a rut, over analyzing or focusing too much attention on them. It's wasted effort and only serves to lower ourselves, nothing more

Wise Words that Supported me Throughout Year One

I think besides the family, friends, fellow volunteers, Peace Corps staff, and my girlfriend who helped me overcome the obstacles I faced throughout the year, quotes and books were another big help. Since I can't quite transmit the wisdom received from all but the last source, I thought I'd share some of the those quotes that have guided me best.

If I feel I've got some personal wisdom to add to the quotes, I'll throw it in, otherwise I'll leave them to stand alone.

"The thing about hiking the Pacific Crest Trail, the thing that was so profound to me that summer- and yet, also like most things, so very simple - was how few choices I had and how often I had to do the thing I least wanted to do. How there was no escape or denial. No numbing it down with a martini or covering it up with a roll in the hay." - Wild by Cheryl Strayed

"Enjoy the little things."- Zombieland 

See this blog post. And this video.

"They say don't put off until tomorrow that you can finish today, I saw the rest of your life is only moments away." - Familiar Faces by Rhymefest

You've got that to do list, that thing to do, if you don't do it today, when are you ever going to do it?

"Realize, that when you're comparing yourself to others, you're comparing your behind the scenes to their highlight reel." - Unknown

"If you don't like it, change it. If you cannot change it, change yourself." - Unknown

"Con calma" - Fermin del Rosario (My host dad)

Translates as "with calm." What better way to do things than with calm? I remember talking to my sister about these words and I'd said "So like, chill the fuck out?" And she responded that I was missing the point. Truth.

I hope that these words carry over in to your personal lives and/or Peace Corps services and bring about a new lens through which to observe life.

Hot Girl Seat

Apologies for dragging my feet with posts as of recently. I've been occupied with my photography as of late and haven't had the energy out of site to make blog posts as well. I'll follow up soon with some of my photography.

This post was inspired because I found myself sitting in the hot girl seat on my way home from Panama city. What is the hot girl seat you ask? It's one of the many peculiarities of the country I've called home for over a year now. I'd like to take the time to introduce a few of my favorites.

Hot girl seat: There are many types of public transportation offered in Panama, several of these have a seat next to the driver. This seat is typically surrounded by the only windows of a vehicle that haven't been tinted so that outsiders can still see in. Who better to put here than the hot girl to keep the driver company, or show her off as a trophy, or use her as a siren to lure men in. I'm still not exactly sure why this happens. Every so often I end up sitting here, because others don't seem to want it and I enjoy the spaciousness it offers. One time, the driver opened up the passenger side door of the pickup-truck-with-seats-in-the-back style transportation and beckoned my girlfriend and me to sit up front, probably due to the fact that, besides she's hot, I was decked out in Panamanian clothes, rocking my sombrero. Damn it feels to be invited to hot girl seat.

Forever lonely on the bus: If I'm not sitting hot girl seat, I'm usually sitting in the back of the bus where there is not enough space for how big I am. Luckily, for whatever reason, Panamanians refuse to sit next to me until the bus is completely full. Luckily, I'm not a leper or something and this happens to many other volunteers as well.

There are no Walmarts or Starbucks in Panama. The former is probably due to the fact that the former president owned the largest would-be competitor to Walmart.

Water quality: Surprisingly, for all the warnings I've been given about water quality and drinking untreated water, it's really not that bad. I've been to several volunteers' communities and never had an issue with the water. Nowadays, I'm actually more worried about treated city water which in one city is found to have chemicals that cause infertility, and I recently read about some place in Louisiana finding a brain eating amoeba in their water. As a final note, think about where all those medicines, cleaners, vitamins, etc. you pour down the drain end up? Not all of it gets filtered out.

Sunday not so Funday: What a clever rhyme. Keep it in mind if you ever think of doing anything besides relaxing on a Sunday. Just about everything is closed.

Panamanian Hour: Set all your watches an hour ahead so that you'll always show up an hour late to meetings. But it's cool, because Panamanians living outside of the city will typically arrive an hour late as well.

All Asian people are Chinese: If you're Asian, you're going to be called Chinese. My hypothesis for this one is that Panamanians do not know that all Asians are not Chinese (or they're racist). If I was to make a guess, outside of people I've met in hostels or through Peace Corps, I've yet to see a non Chinese Asian person in Panama.

The One Year Mark

I've been debating for some time how I'd like to "celebrate" my one year abroad mark on this blog. Originally, I thought I'd post a collection of my favorite pictures throughout the year, but since I already post my favorite pictures on here, I figured that wouldn't quite cut it. I got inspiration about what to post while vacationing in Peru these last two weeks. I was with some friends and they originally opened up with questions such as "How is Peace Corps?" and I find that in such moments it’s hard to capture 12 months in a country into a few short sentences, especially when Peace Corps is a sum of all of its highs in lows. Instead, I'm going to propose a question to myself and answer it, in hopes of explaining to others, and in doing so, discovering myself, the answer.

Would I do it again?

Originally upon proposing this question, I wrote a good 250 words, deemed them inadequate, scratched them, wrote another 600 words, and did the same. I hope that this time around, I’ve captured the answer to the best of my writing abilities.

Before answering the question however, I would like to point out a few things that make coming to a conclusion a bit more complicated than it already is, and it already is rather complicated.

Your job is 24/7. When explaining my job on a good day, it sounds like I have the easiest work in the world. I get to walk in the mountains, get my hands dirty, work 4 to 8 hours a week and relax the rest of the time. But my job also includes visiting neighbors, playing baseball, and working on a sombrero. For the first 3 months of service, my only job was to do those activities. You'll begin to notice the fine line between work and personal life begins to blur. It gets further complicated by the fact that people are always watching and your personal preferences about religion, alcohol, dating, etc. could have an impact on your work and success within the community.

Your service is what you make of it. Outside of four visits during the first year, three trainings, and three submitted reports a year, my bosses have almost no involvement in my life unless I request it. This means, if I wanted to I could just make my service a two year vacation. Of course that's not the path I've chosen but it is something that could happen. What I really wanted to say about this point is that if you don't take initiative, you could inadvertently wind up vacationing. That was my life for the first few months and it was a rather tortuous period of time. Due to various reasons, I didn't quite make connections when I first move in and resorted to activities that didn't require much interaction: studying Spanish, reading, and drawing. Eventually I got myself together and started meetings and work days but it took a bit of struggling in the beginning. 

Every volunteer's service is unique. While I was struggling through my "vacation" I continuously compared myself to other volunteers. In one example, I compared myself to a friend who was having meetings and work days long before I did. Eventually I realized that she had a farmer's group of 14 guys ready to work from day one while my community needed a bit more time to get organized. This is just one of the many examples of how one person’s service and the service of someone twenty minutes, walking, down the road, can be completely different.

Peace Corps is a roller coaster of ups and downs. Week to week, day to day, highs and lows can drastically alter the answer to that question. The answer after my first successful meeting as compared to my first meeting with zero attendees would be completely different. But then there's the issue, but your service isn't over, how can you answer? I believe that after a year of ups and downs, I'm finally getting to the point where I have experienced enough of the roller coaster that is Peace Corps service to understand them better and be prepared for the fact that neither highs nor lows are permanent.

Now that I’ve introduced some of the factors clouding the answer, I’ll continue on.

I remember reading one time that in the game of poker; it is much easier to recall bad beats compared to wins. The big wins for whatever reason seem to slip from mind much more quickly. For a time, during my service, I was writing down the wins so that I wouldn't forget them when faced with one bad beat after another. I think it is best then, to layout the next section in terms of the overwhelming negativity before delving more into the subject.

You'll have more free time than you know what to do with. The first two months in country consists of training. I had four hours each of Spanish and technical skills training each day. Thrown in are several day and week long trips to different volunteer communities, scavenger hunts to practice Spanish and familiarize ourselves with the country, and other similar activities. After two months of this, we disperse to our communities where we are faced with a blank schedule that goes on indefinitely. For me, my worst times have been school vacations in which I have months of free time. I wasn't looking forward to so much free time. For a good period, maybe a few weeks, I suffered due to the lack of structure.

However, realizing from the start that this would be a challenge, I set about actively searching solutions. It took a few attempts but finally I was able to bring stability to my daily routine. How magnificent it was. I studied Spanish, learned to make a sombrero, started a garden and ate some fresh tomatoes, learned to juggle, read books about many different topics, introduced myself to statistics, decided to give painting and drawing another shot, took out my DSLR camera and finally got around to learning how to use it, wrote a bunch of blog posts, tried to make origami, and the list goes on and on.

Besides the immense free time to start and cultivate my hobbies, I was given a chance to look inside. What did I figure out? A friend put it well in that Peace Corps breaks you down to your very core and builds you back up again. I’ve had a whole lot of time to analyze my faults and strengths. I’ve been able to conquer my faults and further develop my strengths. Of course this isn’t an easy feat and at times, most of the time actually; there isn’t really an option besides facing yourself head on. As Cheryl Strayed puts it in Wild, “The thing about hiking the Pacific Crest Trail, the thing that was so profound to me that summer – and yet also, like most things so very simple – was how few choices I had and how often I had to do the thing I least wanted to do. How there was no escape or denial. No numbing it down with a martini or covering it up with a roll in the hay.”

Alone or lonely? I remember writing in my journal one day that is was bizarre to be lonely when surrounded by so many people. I tricked myself into thinking that jumping the cultural barrier would be a piece of cake after integrating in China. Except I realized there is a vast difference between integrating in the most international city in China and rural Panama. Loneliness was a big issue for some time. Being unable to connect with my community members or even my host family was frustrating. But the thing about it is, nothing lasts forever, change is inevitable, no matter how slow it is. It’s taken me longer than most but I’ve finally found myself friends with several community members, have played baseball in my free time, and feel more comfortable where I am. The change isn’t complete and at times I still feel loneliness creeping up but relative to where I was just a few months ago, I feel much better.

Development work is a beast. I had helped Engineers without Borders (EWB) with a project in one of the indigenous areas for some time. I asked a volunteer for some help with basic greetings in the language and as we got to talking he asked me about the community and said he’d never heard of it. A week later I got a call from him saying I should get permission from my boss since there was an issue back in 2011 about a volunteer being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I decided it was best to bring it up to him, and within a minute of beginning the conversation, I was forbidden to join EWB on their trip. I called up my sister in frustration and she told me how recently her friend had a development project in country X. Overnight, a coup occurred within the country, funding dried up, and her friend lost her job. These problems are neither the exception, nor the rule but somewhere in between, life happens, and development work gets caught in the crossfire.

Food, latrines, lack of electricity, no AC, no English, bugs, snakes, spiders, no refrigeration, no internet, bad phone signal, the rainy season, laundry by hand, etc., etc. I can’t say any of this bothers me anymore. I’ve come to realize I’m perfectly fine dealing with or living without many of the comforts that we are afforded in America. There’s something satisfying about trekking through the rain to get somewhere, washing clothes by hand, and being comfortable with spiders that have freaked me out my entire life.

To end things, hopefully I’ve answered the question you’ve theoretically asked me. If not, I’ve definitely answered it for myself.

Would I do it again?

Fuck yes.  

My Travels in: Peru Part 1

So, I turned 24, and then I got on a plane for Peru. Vacation!

I originally planned a hike from ocean to ocean hike in Panama but it fell through for various reasons. While planning it, I asked a family friend what suggestions he had for hiking and he mentioned he was heading to Peru to hike and that was that, I bought my ticket shortly thereafter.

I gave myself two lazy days to acclimate to the altitude in Cusco. During this time I roamed the city and took pictures. I also have a side story I wrote about the joys of speaking the language while traveling.

Speaking the Language

In 2011, I headed to South East Asia for two months of backpacking. Before heading off, I was looking at travel quotes one day and quickly fell in love with "Traveling is like speaking with men of different centuries." One small kink in the quote, I couldn't speak to these men whose native languages included Thai and Vietnamese. I realized quickly upon arrival, and for the next two months, that I would have to rely on Pictionary, charades, pointing, and other means of communication that would make me appear as if I hadn't evolved the ability to speak yet.

Although I faced this amazing obstacle, for the most part I was able to enjoy myself while traveling. However, I was unable to delve deeper than superficial relationships with the locals that I met. How amazing the times I stopped to ask some men for directions and they invited me for drinks and food or the time I was invited to meet a book seller's family would have been if I could have spoken with them.

I got a second opportunity to speak with men of different centuries but this time, I had a grasp of the language, Spanish. Panama has been an amazing opportunity to improve my grasp of the language, and although there are many great examples in Panama, I believe an example while traveling in Peru would suit this article well.

Panama isn't known for their cold weather so I was unable to fully prepare for my trip to Peru before boarding the plane. To remedy this I made a list of items to purchase: gloves, scarf, hat, and thick socks.  A friend of mine told me to take the first days in Cusco slow to adjust to the altitude so I took this opportunity to explore the city and try and cross off my to-buy list.

My general method for conquering cities is to head out without direction, going whichever way seems most interesting. After walking for some time with sporadic turns here and there, I found myself in a clothing market. I found a booth with some clothing that appealed to me and proceeded to chat while looking at clothing.

The conversation started off slowly, with the lady assuming I didn't really speak Spanish. However, as we continued to talk, she realized I spoke a descent bit, and the conversation took off. Eventually we ended up discussing her major and she told me she was studying tourism. She'd be heading off in a few days with an Archeology professor to check out some ruins and she invited me along. The total cost? $4. I contemplated the offer but sadly realized that I already had plans that day.

As disappointed as I was after having the encounter, I was also excited. My chat hadn't occurred by chance, it was based in the fact that I could speak the language! This was the first encounter, but it wouldn't be the last. There will be many more men of different centuries to converse with and treasures to uncover.

Pictures!

For less than $2, a 3 course meal. These were absolutely amazing and everywhere in Cusco.

Forgive and Forget

This is a bit more of a raw post about it all, so expect some language. 

With our hike finished it was time to return to the modern world. This white van, seating about fifteen people, would be our transportation back. Besides the people, there were hiking bags for each individual, kitchen gear for the chefs who cooked for us, and as is typical in the countryside, three more guys standing up in the "aisle" that ran near the sliding door. 

With the inside loaded, and another mound of gear piled on top of the van, we took off. In general, the roads are rather awful. For almost the entire trip from start to finish, drop offs of several hundred feet would be visible out of the van. As each switchback was passed, the direction, right or left, of the drop off would change. And of course, the road was wide enough for one way traffic, even though the road went both ways. 

We drove uneventfully for some time until we came across a fresh landslide. There was a bulldozer and some men out clearing the landslide so that the road could be reconstructed and traffic could continue. We sat and watched for some time, unable to pass the bulldozer. 

As we sat, I began to contemplate the physics of the matter. If you've ever been out on a frozen pond, you'll know the safety advice of laying out flat if the ice should become questionable. This is because while standing, all of your weight only passes through two points, each of your feet. If you lay out flat, however, your weight is more widely dispersed and the chance of ice breaking is less and survival greater. We sat in the van and discussed such matters and decided it was best to walk around the bulldozer if it should come to that and let the van pass, without a heavy load, separately. Instead of four points, four wheels, bearing the load, it would be each individual walking separately, and the van just about empty. 

As we were coming to a conclusion however, the men working with the bulldozer signaled we could pass and so the van started forward. We began to talk more hurriedly and started shouting in English to our guide, and in Spanish to the driver, that we'd like to walk. Without consulting us the driver continued on, without a word of comfort or anything to let us know he knew what he was doing. 

I began to have a full on meltdown at this point. I was right near the back door and tried to unlock it and hop out but it wouldn't open. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I looked out the window and the tires were inches from the drop off. If the shoulder decided to give way at that point, it would have been death. Fuck fuck fuck. The lady to my left, I am unsure how, but motherly instincts kicked in, and she held me and calmed me and managed to bring me down from many fucks, to about two. (Thank you Belgian women wherever you are.) 

With a combination of all the metaphors in the world of time slowing down, and yada yada, we finally passed the curve. Various words were said, I managed to not curse out the driver for not considering our lives at all, and was only able to muster a "necesita escucharnos" (You need to listen to us) I spent the rest of the drive contemplating how Id make sure the driver lost his job and other horrible things directed at him. 

As we got out of the van at our destination, I got his name, picture, and licence plate so that I could make sure the trekking company knew how much of a terrible driver they had. But, I decided to give myself several days to contemplate how I would handle the situation. 

The next step in our tour was to head to a hot spring to relax (I know, shut up). And originally I decided against it, wanting to sit and have my own pity party but eventually I caved and went with the group. 

While there, sitting in the hot springs, unable to contemplate anything else besides my life flashing before my eyes, the words of Gandhi drifted into my head. As much as I wanted to hate and be angry and make sure the driver got what he deserved, "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." And I hadn't even lost an eye. If I wrote the email, he could very well lose his job, his family on to the street, or worse. And I didn't want to be responsible for that. And so upon returning to where we were staying for the night, I tore up the paper with his name and license plate and deleted the pictures on my camera. 

While I can't say I've managed to forgive and forget just yet, I feel much better for having not tried to make the whole world blind.

The Illusionist

I met two people, a drunk and a hard worker. We'll call the hard worker Luis and the drunk Pablo... obviously fake names. 

Pablo...  ugh. I invited him to meetings to which he never came. I visitied his house and he offered me a beer but it was while his wife was yelling at him for being drunk. His two kids were stuck somewhere in the background of this awful situation. Generally, just not a good situation. 

However, visiting Luis was absolutely amazing. He helped get my garden going, was a friend when I had no other friend in the community, offered advice, always said "con calma" which translates to calmy, whenever I was freaking out about whatever situation. Luis helped me to not end my service early by always being there. 

Pablo frustrated, Luis saved me from quiting. I bet you wouldn't expect however that they are the same person. 

What to do? What to think? The man who pushed me the most, also pulled me down the most. 

With everything he brings to the table, I am forever grateful for his positive aspects. I would have given up without him. 

As I contemplate him, I think of others who have affected me in a similar manner and I've come to a realization. Take it all how you will. While Pablo, the drunk, frustrated me to no end, Luis was advising me to no end and without him I would have left Panama. 

We're not all perfect. If you stepped into someone else's shoes and then observed yourself, would you give yourself the benefit of the doubt or go right for the neck? 

We all have faults but through those faults, we also have much to offer. 

Poco a Poco

It's been almost nine months since I first arrived in Panama. In less than nine months, I went through the highs, lows, and everything in between while living in Shanghai, and then I moved home. Here however, I've gone through the same motions and haven't even hit the halfway mark. I've also been presented with a much more raw living situation in which I cannot run away from my troubles and instead must face them head on. A somewhat comparable situation as expressed by Cheryl Strayed in the book Wild...

 The thing about hiking the Pacific Crest Trail, the thing that was so profound to me that summer—and yet also, like most things, so very simple—was how few choices I had and how often I had to do the thing I least wanted to do. How there was no escape or denial. No numbing it down with a martini or covering it up with a roll in the hay. As I clung to the chaparral that day, attempting to patch up my bleeding finger, terrified by every sound that the bull was coming back, I considered my options. There were only two and they were essentially the same. I could go back in the direction I had come from, or I could go forward in the direction I intended to go.

To generalize my situation a bit, I challenged myself at every turn... I had just finished school with an amazing final year, lived abroad in China and started an English language group there, why couldn't I achieve here and now as well?

Over the months I continued to challenge myself and snowball my thoughts into greater and greater frustrations. I compared myself to other volunteers and found faults in myself, looked at where I should be, and realized I'd fallen quite short. I blamed myself, became frustrated, angered, I felt a whole wave of disappointing emotions about myself.

Out of all boo-hooing however, I began to shift my perspective and look inside and I started to realize something... Well, a few things. The first being that I am not other volunteers, my community is not their community. As I progressed from here, I continued to have more realizations about my situation. Most importantly of which is that so long as you're moving forward, you're moving forward. If you fail, get up try again. You've traveled a path to failure but you have eliminated that path and you're one step closer to success. If you pause, pause for good reason. And if you're moving ahead, even at a slow pace, it is progress. As I've started to say in my day to day living and doing, "Poco a Poco", or "little by little".

Keep on in the direction of success and sooner or later, through all the downs and depressions, you'll find you're way there.

Throw Away Culture

So I've run into a bit of writer's block for the past couple of months and have resorted to mostly just posting pictures and stuff that's easy to submit without thinking too much. I forced myself to start writing on the first topic that motivated me a little bit. It's not the best but I'd like to talk about it and try and get back into regular writing.

I find it fascinating the throw away culture that exists in the United States and other countries. Button comes off? Throw it away. Electronic device stops working? Throw it away. Dealing with the trash situation here in Panama has led me to discover the reuse culture that exists. Due to the fact that many do not possess the resources to simply throw it away and buy a new one, they have pursed different paths. Materials of potential use are saved for future application. One awesome resource I’ve seen recently was a broken washing machine converted to grind grains for consumption. Another avenue is repair. For many items that break or fall apart, there is a store you can go to get it repaired. Instead of spending $15 on a new pair of sandals, I got the bottoms replaced for $3. Instead of throwing out my fold up chairs, I had the fabric repaired for a few bucks. It’s rather amazing the easy measures one can take to avoid having something end up in the dump. The same can be done in the United States if you look just a little bit. And in the United States, the savings will be even greater and you can then travel to Panama, ha!

Knowledge

Note: Names have been changed. (I bet I wouldn't have to note this since Panamanians typically don’t get names of Sarah or Max)

The next step after finding out where each volunteer would be living for the next two years was to have a general meet and great with a member of each community. The day was filled with meetings preparing both the volunteer and community guide on what each was expected to do and what would happen during the four day visit to the community. Since many people had long distances to travel and the meetings didn’t finish until 5pm, the guides and volunteers were head to a dorm reserved for Peace Corps to stay for the night before heading out the next morning.

The rooms were split into pairs of beds and since the guides had arrived the night before they were already grouped together in their rooms and us volunteers were grouped together in other rooms. At one point while relaxing in bed that night, I realized I wanted a snack from the vending machine. I headed off with change in hand towards the vending machine and saw that there were several community guides, my guide included, standing around chatting but also looking at the vending machine. I had a feeling they had never seen one before and it made me uncomfortable to approach the machine now and so I paced around for a bit hoping they would leave. However they did not and so I eventually sucked it up, said a quick hello, and got my snack. I could feel their eyes on me as I grabbed my snack and headed back to my room.  As I walked back, thoughts crossed my mind at the time wondering what exactly I got myself into. This people have no knowledge of vending machines!

Fast forward two months and I’m sitting here writing this blog post. I’ve since lived in this community for almost a month and would trade my knowledge of vending machines in an instant for the knowledge that the people in the countryside of Panama possess. Through a combination of interactions with various community members over the last few weeks I’ve gotten a glimpse of what they know. As I walked with Max, he pointed out every plant of purpose. My tour of the water system with Dave and his father had them pointing out various animal tracks and to what animal they belonged. As I sat relaxing one day, Mary was able to hear the rain coming from a mile away and headed home before she was stuck in the downpour. Jack has started preserving seeds and will save them for the next harvest. Sarah prepares all the meals without the use of a refrigerator, which means no frozen pizza or prepared vegetables. I’m just beginning to scratch the surface but it makes me wonder how much knowledge of the physical earth we've traded as we've advanced ourselves through the times. 

Personal, Cultural, or Universal

One of the most eye opening things I learned during my training is whether to classify an action as personal, cultural, or universal. A basic example of this would be a person, named John, that sings. Does John do this because he personally likes to, does he grow up in a culture that enjoys to sing, or does the entire universe love to sing? Even with a basic example, the boundaries of where this action lies are blurred. There could be cultures that look down upon singing and therefore don't enjoy it, maybe everyone in the entire universe likes to sing.

Even though there aren't clear cut boundaries, it is something helpful to keep in mind when approaching difficult situations. For example, if you're in another country traveling and your being harassed, stop and think before jumping to classify these people with sweeping generalizations. I'm going to say for curtain, this doesn't fall under universal. There's a chance it's a cultural thing and this group of people just doesn't like you. Realistically though, in the majority of situations, it's just a personal action. So, before saying that everyone that lives in X country is rude, stop and think to yourself, is it personal, cultural, or universal?

Thoughts on Knowing the Language

I was having a discussion tonight with my brother about Panamanian culture and I started to compare it to my time in China and how I felt much more comfortable here in Panama. At this point I've considered staying here after for some time because I enjoy it so much. I went on to blame various aspects of China on why I wouldn't want to live there but after ten seconds of following this thought I realized how completely wrong it was. Almost all of my dislikes of the country have stemmed in some part due to my inability to speak the language. Situations I couldn't understand, I tended to fill in the blanks with what I thought fit without ever asking questions to people who could knowledgeably answer because I didn't possess the vocab to do so. I have come to realize that if you don't learn the language of where you're living or traveling, you'll forever be on the outside looking in with a distorted view of what is actually going on. I've grown to love it here in part due to the fact that I can question many things and get a reasonable answer in return. More likely than not, there's a reasonable answer to "Why is X this or that way?" and I encourage you to push to receive an answer instead of making assumptions on your own.

Trash

One of the craziest adjustments since I arrived in Panama is the handling of trash. There is no trash pickup in areas outside of the larger cities, save for a lucky few. This means that people must resort to burning it or tossing it in the river.

At first you may judge this activity but stop to think, when is the last time you gave any mind to throwing away a piece of trash? You simply put it in a bag, leave the bag on the street on Monday night, and by Tuesday morning it has magically disappeared.

This change of situation has had me feeling a sense of ownership over each piece of trash I create. Every plastic bottle of soda I purchase, I am very clearly responsible for. The pollutants that enter the air are my doing. It's so much easier to put a piece of trash away and forget about it when someone comes to pick it up. However, it doesn't just disappear. It'll sit in a dump for hundreds or thousands of years with rain acting as a means of transport to carry the pollutants into the rivers and eventually back into our drinking water. Next time you're in the store, give a thought to where that plastic bottle is going to end up.

Restart

I started a blog a year ago with a purpose, to capture and record my experiences while living abroad. I have since returned home to a life not quite as thrilling as living abroad in China. While my everyday experiences might not be a constant exciting exploration into the unknowns of side streets and dimly lit restaurants, I still feel there is much unknown contained within our everyday lives that we don't take time to stop ponder, observe, and enjoy. This will be my attempt to continue writing creatively and hopefully opening others up to new ideas that I tend to contemplate throughout my day.

For today I leave you with:

Content with the Contents

In the months leading up to my departure date, I spent much of my free time reading of potential destinations and things to do at each place. At some point in my research I realized that I had given no consideration to the logistics involved. One thing I had given no consideration to yet was my packing list. Your typical trip involves one city with suitcases left in the hotel for the length of the vacation. My trip however involves multiple cities and one backpack that would contain my life for the duration of my travels. One day while doing my exploring the Internet for travel information I stumbled upon a backpacking suggestions website decided this was a great place to start and my list was underway.

Since it is my first trip and I'm rather meticulous when it comes organization, I read every last bit about the website. I read of the great debates plaguing backpackers including things like what kind of socks to bring, malaria medicine, and jeans or no jeans. I ended up dismissing most of the information offered by the website. Who really wants to spend $10 on a pair of over the top socks when a simple pack brought from Kohls will do me just fine? Maybe I'll find out the answer is me after I've been traveling for a month.

While not using most of the website, I did manage I walk away with a suitable list. In my free time I stumbled upon a few more tips that helped improve my packing list. Firs tip I came across was if you don't use it at home, why would you use it abroad? Good point. So I crossed a few items off my list. Second tip is that you can buy anything abroad. When I first came to China, I brought a lot of excess toiletries which could be bought at any store. Except deodorant. I went to about eight stores and two online stores and nothing. Chinese people don't sweat, who knew? Third tip and I think is the most important which comes from me this time. (Woah) Don't get lost in the details. Get a rough list and go. You'll thank me later.

What does poor really mean?

Never really venturing outside of the United States before it was hard to imagine what life is like on the outside. While there are many aspects of life that vary from country to country, right now I want to focus on wealth. A typical soft drink in America costs about $1.60 and in Shanghai it costs about $0.40. A typical music player in America costs about $300 and in Shanghai it costs about $300. How is it possible? While you would expect a music player to cost about $75 in China such is not the case. It appears that anything that could potentially be a necessity meets the standard of living price adjustment while anything considered a luxury does not. For the people of Shanghai this means that vacations abroad, fancy electronics, and nice cars are reserved for the elite few. Now this doesn’t seem so bad but consider the fact that Shanghai is one of the most expensive cities in China. This means that there is many areas of the country that are much poorer. But this is China, and China is doing rather well.  However, if we continue along this train of thought, we can imagine the best cities in places like Africa might rival some of the lesser parts of China. I know I'll never be able to walk a mile in the poorest shoes, because such shoes are nonexistent, but I'm slowly starting to understand how truly lucky we are to be brought up in such good conditions. 

Language: Final Draft

Some time ago I expressed dissatisfaction with the state of language learning in the United States. While the United States consists of much English and little else, the rest of world that I’ve been introduced to knows at least two languages. In China and India, it’s the native language and English. In Europe, it is three or more languages. Content with my conclusion that Americans made no attempt to bridge language barrier, I did no further research. It was not until weeks later that bits and pieces of conversations I’ve had with many people slowly started create a new picture. 

The first crack in my conclusion came at a dinner one night with a friend of mine who was born into a bilingual living situation consisting of English and Chinese. ­­­­­I made the assumption that because he knew two languages that he was interested in language learning. As I pressed on in a conversation about language he said to me that knowing different languages is merely a tool for communication and nothing more. While yes, this is in fact a way to define knowing different languages, my choices of words would have added more emphasis for the opportunity to be introduced to knew cultures and ideas. This led me to the conclusion that I might be sitting in the minority of those who have a desire to learn new languages. 

Some time passed and again language came up as a topic, this time with my friends from France. They expressed their frustration in learning the English language and having to pass an English test to get a chance to interview for certain jobs …a test .. what? I pressed on and realized that I naively believed that each company operated within their own language. To operate on a global scale, English is necessary. 

Sitting somewhat in a state of denial about this new conclusion I continued on with more questions. First I went to my Indian friend who informed me that a large part of India is fluent in English. Then it was onto a Chinese friend who knows most of the people in the company I work for. I inquired about the languages spoken within the company. Besides English, there is one Chinese person who speaks French and one who speaks German. And that’s it. 

It finally dawned on me, the United States people do not learn new languages because there is little reason to. With my European friends, multiple languages could be found in their backyards. With my American friends, unless you’re sitting along the border to Mexico, you’re not seeing much language diversity. More importantly than that, which affects all international competitors, is the age of globalization. Sitting as the leader in this movement was the United States. For those wishing to reach the level of the United States, English was a required tool. Sadly, it would appear then that language learning is largely fueled out of wealth and necessity and not by a desire to enrich lives and experience new things.